[The first part is about Heyman]
Editor's notes: This programme was probably recorded in April 1994. The speakers included Jimmy, Joe, Ah Bong, Ah Bang, Ah Kin, Banana and The Child.
[The first part is about Heyman]
Ah Bang 阿餅: Everybody, Do you know who is Heyman? No? Never mind, he is a ? guy that you'll know him. Now we are here to say all his bad things, everyone can speak for 3 minutes. then we have a group discussion. Fristly we have Wai-Tak (The Child).
The Child 小童: Let's begin with his behaviour in 3 years old. He saw xxx, and did xxx. In secondary school he xxxed Ida Cheng, Joe, is it true?
Joe: Of course, he is not a human!
Ah Kin 阿堅: She said Ida is great.
The Child: ... I'm not sure, Ah Bang, you speak first.
Ah Bang: One day, Karen give him a photo of a girl, and he xxx. he is so bad, don't imitate him. Jimmy, are you joining us?
Jimmy: Yes. Concerning Heyman, we should study him from September. When he joined our class we all knew that he is the xxx of QC.
Joe, The Child; Why?
Jimmy: A girl loved Heyman, and didn't want other girls to come near him, so she spread this news to destroy his image. Now in April we know the fact.
[This part was interfered by songs sung by Ah Kin, Ah Bang, Joe etc.]
Jimmy: We know he is not a xxx monster.
The Child: He is very moral 有情有義.
Jimmy: He loved Lan Chi 蘭子 most, but she left. And he accpeted another. The Child, any comments on him?
The Child: he is so "dog", and flied friends' aeroplanes. His mother and family treat him very well, his sister is good to him.
Joe: Do you think he is a xxx monster? He wrapped ....... tasted .......
Ah Bang: He watched a worker in a building site and learned ......... In secondary school he met ........ Heyman knows very well. Crab?
The Child: Let's begin with what he does in the morning. he woke up at 6:30.
Ah Kin: No, he woke up at 5:30 and leaves home at 6:30, he used an hour to set his hair. He feels his hair is too seven.
The Child: Then he walked to the bus stop and saw four girls ......
Ah Bang: About Heyman, I've some information. During Chinese new year he visited his relatives, he saw a daughter of his relatives.....
Jimmy: ..............
Joe: Let's hear a song, Ah Kin, Ah Bong 阿邦's "Only loving you in my life 一生愛你一個.
Jimmy: We are imitating Heyman's method of singing. Be quiet, don't let others to hear it.
The Child: He is going to leave, what does he wish before he leave?
Ah Bong: ..............
JImmy: Should we help him to find Lan Chi?
.................
The Child: Does he have any illness?
Ah Bang: Heyman is very "fake", he gave Long Hair chocolates in her birthday. I have more things to say.
Jimmy: You have so much things to publicize!
Ah Bang: He learned judo, but his aim is to meet the beautiful girls.
Jimmy: ........
Ah Bang: We are so interested in Long Hair, why don't we interview her?
Jimmy: How?
The Child (irrelavantly): Heyman is so handsome and tall, but I am so short!
Joe: What question should we ask? Ah Bang, would you interview her?
The Child: Apart from these things, Heyman .... he owes people money, is this his bad habit? What happened to his money owed Shi Foo 師傅 (Ng Kong).
Ah Bong: he said he won't give it back.
Ah Bang: This xxx guy. Every time he takes a bus with us or have lunch with us, he borrows several dollars from us. He does it everyday, and the sum of money becomes larger. We all know that but still someone is so stupid to lend him money again.
Jimmy: The Child, are you so stupid?
The Child: I thought he is my friend and helped him, but he doesn't become better.
Jimmy: we should give this tape to F.6 Wisdom next year to let them know how bad Heyman is. He played with toothbrush, candles .......
Ah Bong: Let's talk about Ah Kin.
Ah Bang (laughs): Ah Kin, very interesting, good!
[The second part is about Ah Kin]
Ah Bang: Somebody talks about Ah Kin and he is now beating Ah Bong.
Jimmy: He is the most seven guy in the school.
Ah Bang: I'm not sure, but maybe he's the most seven in the world. When we started our school year, something big happened, do you remember, The Child!
The Child: His body is so strong and can tolerate several punches.
Ah Bong: Do you want to hear the fact?
Ah Bang: You say.
Ah Bong: On a certain day in September, in Heng Fa Cheun 杏花村, near the post office, in the youth centre.... Let's hear a song first......
Ah Bong: I can't remember so well. Mick and Ah Kin have abnormal relationships. "Dotted animal" has a triangle relationship with them, and Ah Kin was punched.
The Child: I've heard that Dotted animal succeed.
Ah Bong: I don't know.
Jimmy: I saw Dotted animal being with Mick on the street.
(everyone became excited, because somebody woke up in classroom)
Ah Bang: This person now awakes from dream, now let's hear the self-report of Dotted animal.
Banana: One day in the Jockey Club in Wan Chai ..... Is this tape confidential? .....
Joe: Which street?
Banana 蕉: Causeway Bay Plaza phase 2. When I was betting horses someone came into Jockey Club hand in hand with a classmate. (Jimmy: Big Mouth Duck) When we see the classmate from distance we see her hair covers her face. The classmate is Big Mouth Wide Face and the Dotted animal together, they were very intimate to each other. They bet for horse together. We should describe Big Mouth Wide Face that his face is pale and his mouth is very red. His voice is soft to his partner, but other people gambling think he should be out.
Jimmy: We are talking about Ah Kin now, don't talk about other things. His appearance is too seven.
Banana: I've contacted one close friend of Ah Kin and know how he deals with girls.
The Child: He study girls in the street and think about how the come close to them.
Banana: I've studied his strategy, it's called "go after you" type (螳螂捕蟬黃雀在後). When he sees a target, he asks friend to go first, then, he can come into the screen and destruct the existing relationship and have to girl. But most often he was not successful, just like last time, he was being punched.
Jimmy: He has too many seven things to talk about. Ah Bong, what about another event of meeting girls? The event of Chiu-Wai 梁朝偉?
Ah Bong: He's too poor, I'm afraid......
Joe, The Child, Jimmy: Your voice will be processed.
Ah Bong: I can't remember the date. It was the meeting of Chiu-Wai in A C Hall. Ah Kin and me queued to get the ticket. We queued for hours. Then we saw two girls in front of us in the queue, one of them was fat and the other was thin. We were tied, then we had some newspaper so that we put them onto the ground and we sat on the ground. But, the girls had not any newspaper to sit on. I wanted to help them, so I gave them some newspaper and they thanked me. Ah Kin was fascinated with the (thin) girl. I think Ah Kin wanted me to come close to the fat girl so that he can have the thin one. Ah Kin asked me to communicate with them, but I thought it was not a good idea, these affairs with girls should be dealt by himself. Then we entered the hall, and the fat girl left the thin one. I tried to convince Ah Kin to go forward to the thin girl and talk with her, but, he could not do that and called me for help. I continued to persuade him. Then the thin one met the fat girl again and they were leaving. Then, I determined to help Ah Kin and went forward and talk to them. "Do you remember me? I followed you in the queue.", "Are you a fan of Leung Chiu-Wai?", "Yes". Then I said "Can we make friends?", but they said "We are not going in the same direction." So I said "That all right, never mind." So I left with Ah Kin.
Ah Kin: In fact, this is not my fault ......
Ah Bong: I know, this is perhaps my fault, maybe I was too direct in talking to the girls. But Ah Kin is too passive you know.
Jimmy: That's all right, we know how useless he is.
The Child: Does he have any new targets?
Ah Bang: I heard that he is chasing after Salina.
The Child: He is the boy friend of another boy, but, ... no, she is only a single.
Jimmy: This time you should attack by yourself.
Banana: Now we assess the strategy of Ah Kin with many specialists. He would "attack" the girls he thinks he has 70% of success. I think he should improve his strategy and not always "coming from behind 後上".
The Child: We've talked much about him, do you wish to know how he looks like?
Jimmy: Let's study his face first ...... His eyes are dull and seven, together with his glasses. His nose is not good.
Ah Bong: His nose is big.
Ah Bang: I've studies his nose for a long time. His nose is just like a vacuum cleaner, a vacuum cleaner sucks everything, so that is also his behaviour to girls.
The Child: He has got two black spots near his nose. There is a larger one and a smaller one.
Ah Bang: That foretells that he would meet one fat and one thin girls in the concert of Chiu-Wai..... Let's hear Banana's saying.
Banana: Thanks Ah Bang for such a detailed description, he is a degree holder in Oxbridge University. Let's study his psychological aspects. According to the psychoanalytic approach, his mother didn't let him to go to the toilet .... (Ah Kin: That's impossible) ... Right, that's impossible that he could go to the toilet, so that his personality is affected. Also, according to the Hierarchy of needs, his biological needs can be fulfilled, but he has difficulties in fulfilling love needs.
Jimmy: His failure is simple. His appearance is too seven. His eye went inside.
Banana: His forehead 印堂 black and covered by his hair ...
The Child: But he is good at joking. He said he can't play as a forward, but he is very very good as a guard.
Jimmy: What guard, very powerful? You play as a wing is very very rubbish.
Banana: We are not attacking you, we are just playing you know.
Ah Bong: Let's study his thumb. His thumb is rounded so that his wife is very fortune.
Ah Bang: He fails in love affairs. If he has a beautiful wife ..... (Ah Kin: Impossible)
Jimmy: Because he is impossible to have a beautiful wife .
Banana: Then we study ....
Jimmy: Sorry, time is running out now, this programme should be ended, sorry ...
[End of this programme]
(c)1998 Miu Wan Publishing 渺雲出版社 & Joe Ng.